Working with books is something I enjoy and something I have missed during this time of eye mess.  Oh, some call it cataract surgery and say, ‚ÄúThe is nothing to it." Yes, there is and it has interfered with my reading and the jobs I did at the Salvation Army. But, as my old friend the Wewoka math teacher/philosopher would often say, ‚ÄúThis too shall pass." And it will. However, to no one's surprise, I enjoy trying to write books. Ideas which are in my head should be put down on paper, or more correctly, put down on digits. (And there may be a prize for the first person who can describe a ‚Äúdigit.")
Many years ago I spent a weekend at Oklahoma State University doing a writing course. As it was a two hour drive from OSU to Wewoka, I had much time to think and plan. Having made that trip more than a few times, I was very familiar with the scenery and did not have much to notice, so I had plenty of time to think. As I said, I had no other pressing mental activity so I wrote a children's book.  After moving to the Tulsa area i entered it in the adult writing contest and won a prize. It has been about 20 years and I still haven't done anything with it as it needs illustrating.
Somehow during all this i got to thinking about what sells books. I read that the opening paragraph was crucial and if it didn't grab the editor, the book would be thrown away (figuratively speaking). Another “expert" said the first sentence had to grab attention or it was goodbye. One of the main problems, after a book gets accepted, is the title. I have made an informal study of titles and find it fascinating. An author friend had a book published but she and the publisher could not get the title as both deemed correct. For the U.S. public, a title will grab or push people away.
Being an untested author it is imperative to have an attention grabbing title. ‚ÄúHow To Pick Your Nose In Public" would not appeal to a broad audience, probably only 5th - 7th grade boys. But there are many other funny or strange titles that did get published. One of my favorites is, ‚ÄúReusing Old Graves."  Many cities are running out of cemetery room so that may be something City Fathers should consider. Actually, I do not want to think about it.  ‚ÄúHitler: Neither vegetarian Nor Animal Lover" would not interest any but a few specific historians - and I am not among that group. Oh, another one along the cemetery line is, ‚ÄúFancy Coffins To Make Yourself." Sure, make that long box and keep it in the living room as a conversation starter. Well, it would work!
Our language is always changing and some words go out of style and some words get their meaning changed. This morning the temperature was about 50F and that, to my thin blood, is really cool. But that expression now means very good and “awesome" now means a little above average. This quite old book may still sell some but not to the originally targeted audience. The cover has young teen boys playing soccer and is titled, “Fellow Fags." I am sure that in the early 1900's there was a different meaning. Some of us can related to this one: “A Passion for Donkeys" if we get to say that they are just amazing and useful animals - and chase off coyotes. Some people may read something else in the title.
But a book title you hope your neighbor doesn't subscribe to is: “The Practical Pyromaniac" with the sub title of: Build Fire Tornados, Great Balls of Fire and other incendiary devices." Yessir, just what every neighborhood needs. A book that probably appeals to many is: “Old Tractors and the Men Who Love Them." The cover shows a chubby man in overalls with his arm hugging a rusty Allis Chalmers tractor. Really, I am not sure they are just good friends or going steady but one never knows. Yessir, I do know some men who would trade their wife in for a really old tractor. Their reasoning is that the tractor still can work. I am not at all sure if this last title is serious or the cover title has a far different meaning than what seems to be presented. Of course, it could be a “put-on" for attention and it certainly worked with me. I shall let you be the judge of what the author and editor had in mind. I am not sure I want to know. Ready? “How To Raise Your I.Q. By Eating Gifted Children."
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